


Loopy for Froot Loops (or, Carlton Really, Really Likes Shawn)

by allfordean



Category: Psych
Genre: Drunk!Lassie is awkward, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-26
Updated: 2015-08-26
Packaged: 2018-04-17 08:08:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,166
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4659117
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/allfordean/pseuds/allfordean
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lassiter gets drunk at a conference for the SBPD, and starts talking about his thoughts on Shawn to everyone around – including Shawn, himself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Loopy for Froot Loops (or, Carlton Really, Really Likes Shawn)

**Author's Note:**

> I've never written Psych fanfic before. It's happening now, and it'll probably happen again. The Shassie is too strong to resist.

It happened at a conference for the SBPD and surrounding police departments. The two-day event was being held at an upscale hotel. Everyone from the department was invited. _Everyone_ , including Shawn Spencer and Burton Guster, to Carlton’s dismay. He’d been avoiding the supposed psychic even more than usual in the weeks prior, upon realizing some… _feelings_ he harbored toward the younger man.

The morning had gone smoothly. Spencer hadn’t shown up yet, so Lassiter relaxed and attended a few workshops, listening to people talk about things that he, of course, already knew. He happily made it through lunch alone. Then, just as he was headed for the next workshop, Shawn ran up behind him, wrapping his arms around Lassiter in a tight hug.

“Lassie! I know I’m a little late to the party, but we get to spend the whole rest of the day together! Maybe even the night. And then we’ve got tomorrow! Isn’t that great?”

Lassiter had done his best to ignore the younger man, but wasn’t given much choice in company when Shawn started following him. Gus had been off doing his own thing, apparently chasing after some cop from another department, leaving Carlton to deal with Spencer alone.

Shawn seemed dead-set on spending the entire day testing Lassiter’s patience, and invading his space. However, his backhanded insults and physical contact got a little more flirtatious than usual, and Carlton had to force himself to ignore the possibility that Shawn wasn’t just messing with him. It hadn’t been unbearable, but it was enough to get the detective drinking pretty heavily when evening came around.

At around 10:30 P.M., Lassiter started making a complete ass of himself. Shawn watched from a few feet away, somewhat bemused as the detective stumbled around, glass in hand. He had the attention of everyone at the hotel bar, and that included most of the SBPD (luckily for him, Vick was elsewhere).

“I think, of _aaall_ the people at the station,” Carlton began, sweeping a pointed finger around the crowd, “Spencer’s probably the most attractive.” There was dead silence, but the detective hardly seemed to notice the uncomfortable reactions in the room. Carlton squinted at Shawn, then nodded. “Definitely the most attractive. In fact, I might even go so far as to s-”

“Oookay, Lassie,” Shawn said, rushing to the detective’s side and prying the glass from his hands. “I think it’s time we go to bed. _You_ go to bed, _and_ me. But not me _with_ you, in case anyone here misinterpreted that, myself included.”

Lassiter reached for his drink, then gave up when Shawn held it out of his reach. Instead, he opted to boop the younger man on the nose. “ _You_ -”

“Lassie, as much as it _delights_ me to see your buffoonery on display, I really think you need to retire. For the evening, not the SBPD. Though you might want to do just that tomorrow.”

There were a few hesitant chuckles throughout the room, and Carlton ran his blurred gaze over the crowd before shaking his head. “I don’t see anyone that matters, Spencer.” If he had been able to see clearly, he might have noticed a wide-eyed McNab, and an even more shocked O’Hara. “ _Shaaawn_ ,” he continued, his speech a bit slurred, “what I’m trying to say is I-”

“Aaand we’re getting you to your room. Now. Gimme your room key.” Shawn reached into Lassiter’s suit pocket and pulled out the card for the detective’s room, nodding when he found the room number listed. “Let’s go, c’mon,” he said firmly, then pressed his lips together in a tight line, avoiding the gaze of the crowd. “Show’s over, folks. Detective Lassiter will be available for photo ops and autographs tomorrow.”

Lassiter followed reluctantly behind the younger man, then giggled as they got into the elevator. “Are you gonna take me to bed, Spencer?”

“That’s quite _literally_ what I’m going to do, Lassie,” Shawn chirped, his tone lightening now that they didn’t have an audience. “Do you wanna hear a bedtime story on the way? I know a pretty great one about a little curly-haired blonde bear with a red cape who saves three little piggies from a witch who wants to cook them and eat them. At least I think that’s how it goes.”

Shaking his head, Lassiter leaned closer to Shawn. “I’ve got one already. ‘S a love story. Set right here in Santa Barbara.” The detective’s face grew grim as he said, “’S kind of pathetic, though. And definitely _weird_. With an open ending.”

“Sounds awesomely inappropriate, Lassie.” Shawn stepped away from the drunk man as the elevator doors opened to Lassiter’s floor. “I’ll have to take a hurricane check on that one.”

“Do you mean a rain check?” Lassiter managed to ask as he stumbled out of the elevator.

“Hurricane seemed more fitting for this situation.” Shawn got the card ready as they approached Carlton’s hotel room. Just as he opened the door, the fake psychic felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned to come face-to-face with a grinning Lassiter.

“I _like_ you, Spencer.”

Shawn, for once, had nothing to say. He stared at Carlton, wide-eyed, and sucked in a breath.

“I act like I hate you, but I really, _really_ like you.”

Shawn shook his head, then frowned at the older man. “We need to get you to bed, Carly Rae. You’re loopy for Froot Loops.”

“Cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs,” the detective corrected, then chuckled as he followed the younger man inside.

“I’ve heard it both ways,” Shawn said with a shrug, closing and locking the door behind them.

Carlton snorted. “You say that a lot.”

“I’m a man of many catchphrases, Lass.” He gave Lassiter’s ass a slap, then gestured at the bed before them. “C’mon, Lassie. On the bed.”

“Where’re _you_ gonna sleep?”

“Anywhere but here,” Shawn said decidedly, a slight pout resting on his lips.

Carlton frowned, but collapsed on the bed nonetheless. “Why?” he mumbled, then turned around to face Shawn, putting his hands behind his head.

“Because you’re _totally_ wasted, Lassie,” Shawn began with a sigh, “and, contrary to popular belief, I am an honorable human being.”

Lassiter practically beamed at him. “What do you think is gonna happen if you stay?”

Shawn licked his lips, then said, “ _That_ , unfortunately, is irrelevant.” Before Carlton could reply, Shawn found himself reaching for and removing the detective’s shoes. “You shouldn’t sleep in these.”

“‘R you gonna undress me now?” Lassiter asked, amused.

“Just giving you some head start. _A_ head start. Damn it.” 

Some part of Lassiter that could still reason recognized the awkwardness of the situation. He frowned at Shawn as he said, “I’m gonna regret all this in the morning.”

Shawn couldn’t help but smile, glancing up at the yawning detective. “We’ll see about that.”

 

Carlton awoke fully clothed except for his shoes, his head pounding as he shielded his eyes from the light that had just burst in through his window. He groaned, rolling onto his back and squinting at the ceiling.

“Morning, Lassie!”

Groaning once more, Lassiter turned to face Shawn, then winced as his headache worsened.

“Trash can’s by the bed if you’re gonna puke,” Shawn whispered, as though he’d just realized how loud he’d been.

“I’m not going to- Wait, what the hell are you doing in my hotel room, Spencer?!”

Shawn waved the card key pointedly. “Just checkin’ up on you, Lass.”

Lassiter sat up and absently ran a hand over his empty suit pocket, staring wide-eyed at Shawn. “How did you end up with that?” he asked hesitantly.

“You don’t remember anything, do you?” Shawn gave the other man an over-exaggerated wince, sucking in a hiss through his teeth. “Oh, Lassie. You were _smashed_ last night. Said some things.”

“What things?” Lassiter asked, his tone an even blend of suspicious and genuinely concerned. He folded his arms over his chest, eyeing the younger man warily.

Shawn smirked. “Some revealing things.”

“Spencer,” the detective warned. He stood, walking towards Shawn.

“Some revealing things about _you_. Or, _me_ , really. Things about you about me.”

Carlton cursed under his breath and looked down, pinching the bridge of his nose for a moment before lifting his gaze to meet Shawn’s. “What, _exactly_ , did I say?”

“That I’m the most attractive person at the SBPD,” Shawn said simply. “ _Definitely_.” He gave Lassiter a single pat on the back. “Proclaimed it to the entire hotel bar. Thanks, Lass.” He let his hand slide down the detective’s arm as he brought it back to his side.

“ _What_?” Carlton could feel his face reddening, his breath hitching. He made fists with his hands as he said, “Spencer, if you’re making this up-”

Shawn gave the other man a scandalized gasp. “I would _never_ , Lassie. C’mon, this is too good to make up.”

Swallowing hard, Carlton shook his head, then asked, “How many people from the department were there?”

Shawn winced. “Eeehh, about seventy percent?” When Lassiter’s eyes widened, Shawn was quick to say, “Maybe less? Sixty? Fifty-five?”

“Was O’Hara nearby?” the detective asked, not quite sure that he wanted to know.

“She had a front row seat. Which reminds me, you’re probably gonna have to explain to her that you didn’t realize she was there. You kinda made a sweeping statement about the crowd. You said no one there mattered. Except me, of course. Obviously. Your little speech was all _about_ me.”

“Damn it,” Carlton said, mostly to himself. “Why the hell didn’t you stop me, Spencer?” He let out a bitter laugh. “Oh, right, of _course_ , you must have been enjoying yourself. Couldn’t be bothered to stop the fun.”

Shawn’s expression grew serious. “Carlton, I _did_ stop you.”

“Doesn’t sound like you did.”

“You didn’t give me much of a chance when you first started out. And honestly, I didn’t think it would get so bad. But when you started to admit a little something more, I knew I had to-”

“More? I said _more_?”

A small smirk pulled at Shawn’s lips. “Well, not before I heroically escorted you into the elevator.” He leaned closer, half-whispering, “We were alone when you told me you liked me.”

Carlton stepped back, gawking at the younger man.

“You really, _really_ like me,” Shawn said with a grin.

All Carlton could manage to do was blink at Shawn for a few seconds. His heart pounded in his chest. “I…,” he began, then trailed off as a realization hit him. “You took me to my room. What… What happened?”

Shawn rolled his eyes. “ _Clearly_ , if you hadn’t been totally wasted, we’d have had some mind blowing sex last night. Or at least some sexy makeout times. It was my plan from the beginning of the day, but of course you had to go and get drunk and ruin it,” he pouted, folding his arms over his chest.

Lassiter’s eyes widened. “Your _what_?”

“Plan. Scheme. Strategy. You were on my to-do list, Lassie. I thought I was being pretty obvious, but-”

Carlton cut the younger man off by placing a firm hand on the back of his neck and yanking him closer. “Cut the crap, Spencer.” He’d tried to be rough, but it came out more like a plea. He searched Shawn’s eyes for a hint of seriousness as he asked, “Do you really mean all this?”

Shawn met Lassiter’s anxious gaze, letting the smile fall from his face as he gave the man a single nod. “I mean it. For real.”

“Seriously?”

“ _Seriously_ , Carlton, what do I have to do to prove it to you?” Shawn threw a hand in the air in frustration. “I’m _not kidding_ about this.” He sighed. “I know I spend a lot of time helping you make an ass of yourself, Lassie, but that’s not what I’m doing here.”

“Prove it,” Lassiter challenged, leaning just a little closer.

“Fine.”

So Shawn kissed him.

It wasn’t the best kiss either of them had experienced, what with Carlton’s hangover still making his head pound (and his breath was pretty awful), but it left them gasping softly nonetheless as they pulled away.

“Do you have your proof, detective?” Shawn asked, his voice like air as he smiled at the other man.

Lassiter swallowed, licking his lips as he nodded. Then, he smirked and shook his head. “Actually, I’d like to gather more evidence.”

Shawn’s eyes lit up. “I can give you a _ton_ of evidence, Lassie,” he sang. “You might even say, an _assload_ of evidence.”

“Never say that again.”

“A _fuck_ ton?”

“Shut up, Spencer,” Lassiter said, trying not to laugh as he shook his head and yanked the younger man toward the bed with him. “I don’t know why I put up with your crap.”

Shawn beamed, wrapping his arms around Lassiter and falling onto the bed, bringing Lassiter along. “‘Cause you like me?”

Carlton gave the other man a warm smile, carding his fingers through Shawn’s hair as he said, “Because I like you.”

**Author's Note:**

> And then they did the do. (But lbr Lassie probably took some ibuprofen first or something, that poor guy.)
> 
> PSA: this fic's theme song is "I Really Really Like You" by Carly Rae Jepsen, because of reasons. (Though, tbh, I headcanon that as more of a Shawn-for-Lassie song than a Lassie-for-Shawn song. But whatever, it's cute.)
> 
> So, that was my first try writing either of those characters. Shawn is such a pain in the ass to write dialogue for lol. Any constructive criticism would be much appreciated! I'm planning on doing more Shassie fics in the future, so.


End file.
